Lesson 4 – Practice Exercise “Pro-Social Responses”
My Friend’s in Jail
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Question 1 of 1
1. Question
Match (drag & drop) the appropriate response to the Pro-Social attitudes – Pity/Sympathy/Empathy
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- Pity
- Sympathy
- Empathy
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“That’s such a shame, the poor guy! To end up in jail like that and now he’s blaming you, you poor thing!
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That really sucks! What a lousy time for your phone to be off. I’d feel guilty too! Come on, let’s go down there and bail him out so you can show him what a good friend you are!
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That really sucks!! I think I can understand why you’re upset…, I know how you’re always there for him and what a good friend you are. How are you doing with him blaming you like this?
CorrectIncorrectHint
Keep in mind the different impact that each of the pro-social responses (Pity/Sympathy/Empathy) can have on the recipient, and how Tom may feel with each of these responses from Jane.
Pity can have a negative impact on the recipient, as the observer may feel sorry for the recipient and respond from an emotional distance that may reflect some personal judgement about the recipient.
Sympathy can trigger a sense of projected emotional alignment or merger between the observer and recipient. Sympathy can be disempowering to the recipient by undermining their sense of agency, thus reinforcing an insecure sense-of-self organized around persistent feelings of victimhood, powerlessness and low self-esteem.
Empathy is tuning into the “what” and “why” of the other’s actual feelings without emotional merger.
Empathy includes mirroring the other’s positive & negative inner experience, as well as their natural strengths and sense of agency.
Thoughtful Q&A
Coaching Note: Now that you have selected which response is pity, sympathy or empathic, let’s review your answers and consider the reason(s) why you selected the response that you did. Considering the following may help;
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Question 1 of 4
1. Question
How do you think your choice for Sympathetic response would impact Tom?
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This response will be reviewed and graded after submission.
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Question 2 of 4
2. Question
Why would a sympathetic response impact him that way?
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Question 3 of 4
3. Question
How do you think your Pitying response would impact Tom and why?
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Question 4 of 4
4. Question
How do you think your Empathic response would impact Tom? Why?
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Coaching Note – Jane focuses on Tom’s feelings without projecting her own onto him. Notice how she attempts to understand the “what” & “why” of his hurt feelings and then “mirrors” them back to him accurately, while reflecting his natural strength of character. Tom appears to feel understood and is calmed by her empathic response.